


All that’s left is the heart

by justholdinghands



Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: Conversations, Dark Ages, F/M, Gillovny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 03:38:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5190731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justholdinghands/pseuds/justholdinghands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is 2013 and they need to discuss the "dark ages" to move forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All that’s left is the heart

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this conversation had happen IRL, but this is fictional. Just my vision, so don't take it too seriously :)

They left the Paley and headed to a small restaurant where David had reserved a table for the two of them. Usually, he didn’t bother himself to take her on a date before reaching his or her bedroom, panting and sweating. But, obviously, all that time they had to spend together again, making interviews and photoshoot from San Diego have had an emotional effect on him. This evening, he wanted to be a gentleman, even if he knew that all the panting and sweating things were not that far. So when they entered the small and chic place, he pulled her chair and told her how beautiful she looked. And he meant it.

“That was fun.” She stated, running through the menu.

“Yeah, the moderator was a nerd, but that was fun.”

He looked at her through his menu, she looked focus and after a while, it seemed like her choice was made, so she put it down and stared into space.

“A penny for your thoughts.” He said, gazing at her.

“I was just thinking about that journalist who asked if we had have a conversation about the past.” She paused, searching carefully for her words. “Maybe we should talk about it.”

“That’s a dangerous ground Gil…”

“Yeah, but we have grown up. We have matured. I think we are ready to talk about it as now.”

“Oh, you mean now, like… Now? Here?” surprised, his voice getting a little bit louder.

“Why not?” she asked, looking around, speaking softly. “Neutral and public place, so you can’t yell, I can’t cry or slap your face” She laughed, “and we are sure we’re not gonna get naked in a rush to avoid the big questions.”

The waiter interrupted them a minute and they ordered starters, main course and red wine. He had the feeling that they would use a lot of wine tonight. They wait in silence for the waiter to go away from them and finally, David spoke first.

“Are you sure you wanna do this? I mean, we can talk about our kids, I could pretend to be interested in UK politics or even wheel clamping…”

“David.” She interrupted seriously.

“Okay, okay. I just wanted to make sure. Anyway, if we are going to do that, I think we should make rules.”

“Rules?” she asked, obviously not understanding what he meant.

“Rule number one: honesty. Even if it hurts, we have to be completely honest.” She nodded in silence so he kept going. “Rule number two: do not yell. We talk without raising our voices. Neither you nor I need a scandal in the middle of a restaurant.” She nodded again waiting for the number three. “Rule number three: you’ll be on top tonight because I’m beforehand exhausted!”

She giggled as the waiter brought the wine and appetizers. He filled his glass first to let him taste. He acted as if he knew what he was doing, making the wine turn in the glass, staring at it, then smelled it and eventually tasted it slowly. She couldn’t repress a chuckle when he pretended to think, focusing on the taste when he swallowed, and accepted the bottle with a nod to the waiter. Once again, they waited in silence for him to leave the table.

“Where do you want to begin?” he asked carefully.

“I don’t know… the beginning I guess?” taking a sip of her wine.

“What do you mean? The casting?”

“No. I mean the beginning of our problems.”

“Oh, your wedding?”

“My wedding?” she yelled, and then lower her voice, realizing that she’d already broken a rule. “Since when, my wedding is the beginning of our problems?”

“Well, we were fine before you got married to that weirdo.”

“We were not *fine* David.” She sighted. “Fucking me in my fucking trailer at the end of every fucking day and leaving without saying a fucking word, then pretending nothing happened, is not *fine*!”

“Is everything all right?” asked suddenly the waiter, apparently coming from nowhere.

“We are *fine*!” They almost yelled in unison, making him ran away.

“I didn’t pretend nothing happened. I asked you on a date. Several times. And you had refused every time. I am the one who wanted to do it properly, but you kept pushing me back. What else could I do?”

His smooth voice and puppy eyes began to drive her crazy. If he continued to play the victim like that, she would kill him right away, no matter how many people were watching them. She took a deep breath, tried to cool and spoke again.

“First of all, if you really wanted to do it properly with me, you could have started by dumping your official girlfriend. Then you could have dumped your other girlfriends and finally you could have talked to me. I mean talk to me gently, like a reassuring man. Not like a misogynist who spent his time putting me down”

He paused for a moment, taking his time to absorb what he just heard. She was right. Damn her. She was right, but he was proud, and there was no way he took all the responsibilities.

“Okay. I agree with you on some points. I probably should have broken up with Perrey and stop fucking every extra. But for my defense, the casting was good and they were hot!” he tried to joke but he was not going anywhere. “And that doesn’t explain why you married him. By the way, that guy was any better than me, even worse!”

“Yeah… I assume that I have an attraction for men who are not good for me… But we are not here to discuss my wedding. Or in that case, maybe we can discuss *your* wedding.”

“I should have made another rule: not discussing our marriages.” He said, hoping that he could avoid the subject.

“It would have broken rule number one. If we have to be honest, your relationship with her was the beginning of our problems. Before that, you were an asshole. But you were a nice asshole, funny, sometimes even kind and protective with me. Our relationship was fucked up, but at least, we were friends. I knew I could count on you in any cases. But the minute you’d married her, you became a hater.”

“I didn’t hate you Gil! And she has a name you know. After all those years, I can’t believe you still can’t pronounce it.”

The waiter brought the starters in a religious silence and left as soon as the plates were on the table. They started to eat, and drink wine. It seemed like they were here for hours and none of them was no longer sure that it was a good idea to raise all that subjects. But it was too late, they both had two feet in the mud up to their knees and they had to keep going walking.

“I am not going to apologize for falling in love Gil.” He continued, and she chuckled nervously. “What’s so funny?”

“How could you call it love? When you’re in love, you don’t need to fuck anyone else. You don’t come to your co-worker’s bed and cry because you’re unhappy, because you think you’d made a mistake. And you don’t ask anyone else for another chance. If you’d love her, you wouldn’t have told me you love *me*.” She almost whispered the last words, refraining a tear.

He held his hand to her cheek, but she stopped him and drank another sip of wine to calm down.

“I am sorry if I hurt you, Gillian. I really am. I didn’t mean to hurt you. And I’ve never hated you, never.” He said tenderly.

“So why did you say all those things about me?” she asked, looking into his eyes.

“What things, what did I say?”

“Oh, you really want me to make a list? Let’s see… You said I was a hypocrite, conceited, you made fun of me when I asked for an equal pay, you joked about me looking like a sex doll which is very, very funny, and I’m not even talking about what you said in private, like I was a bad actress, a little uncultured punk, that you spend all your time on set waiting for me to be ready when you could be on a real movie set, playing with real hot actresses instead of being here with me, do you want me to continue or do you have enough?”

This time, they didn’t even notice that the waiter had taken their half-finished plates. When he came back with the main courses, David ordered a new bottle of wine. If he could have, he would have ordered whiskey or vodka or a gun to shoot his head right now. She had just crucified him. The truth is that he didn’t remember the half of what she said, but he had no reason not to believe her.

“Once again, Gillian, I am truly sorry that I’ve hurt you. It wasn’t on purpose. I assume that I was a little bit macho - and I’ve worked on that – and my jokes about sex dolls and equal pays were not funny at all. But for the rest, you weren’t a model of kindness with me neither. I remember you called me arrogant, big headed, and self-centered, negative, ungrateful…”

“But that was *true*!” she yelled, interrupting him. “Admit it, you had big-head. You were arrogant and negative. You didn’t even realize the luck you had. Just admit it for fuck’s sake!” She said, refilling her glass without even thinking to refill his.

He put his fork down, catch her eyes and took a deep breath like he was going to announce something important.

“Okay. I don’t know what we are doing here. Is it my therapy or my trial? Or are we trying to get our relationship better?” She opened her mouth to speak but he didn’t let her. “Let me finish, please. I assume that I had big head, maybe a little bit, but I think you did too, and that’s not the problem. I assume that at some point, I was a little bit negative about the show because I was exhausted, just like you were and I wanted something else. It wasn’t arrogance or ungratefulness, it was frustration. I wanted to me more than I was and I couldn’t. I think we’re done talking about that and I’d rather go back to us, if you please. When I came that night begging you for real chance, I really meant it. You just had to say a word and I would have given up everything. But you didn’t, and I understand. So yes, I kept fucking with you anytime I could because that was all I had. That was all you gave to me so I took it. No matter how much I loved Tea, I cheated on her, with you, sometimes with other girls, just to prove myself that you were not the only one. I cheated on her because I was frustrated and exhausted.” He kept staring at her. She was not eating anymore, and her eyes started to get wet. “Another man would have found a hobby, like racing or parachute jump, just in order to think about anything else but I couldn’t think about anything else, so I kept cheating on my wife again and again. They called me a sex addict, but you know what? I wasn’t addicted to sex Gillian I was addicted to *you*” Now she was crying for real, She couldn’t help her tears to run over her cheeks. “And I didn’t want to be addicted to you, because you didn’t want me, and that always has been the problem Gil. I’ve always wanted you, I’ve never found the good way to tell you, and you’ve always pushed me back.”

The waiter approached their table and turns back on his heels when he saw David’s hands heading for her cheek to wipe her tears. This time she let him.

“I am sorry. Truly, deeply, really sorry if I’ve hurt you. You deserve so much better than me, but I am sorry to tell you that I am all you’ll ever have. You can try again with someone else if you want to, you’ll see. We’ll always have to end up together. There is nothing to do against that. I know it hurts, I know it’s frustrating, but it’s up to us to make it work. I’ve learned my lessons. I’ve wanted to fight my addiction and I’ve failed. Now I’m ready to embrace it. I know it’s been fifteen years since I’ve done that, but here I am again, and I’m begging you for a chance Gillian. A real one, just the two of us, no spouses, no lovers, no one night-stand, just you and me, trying to make it work for good. We are old now,” he finally joked to smooth things because she was crying for too long for his taste and he wanted to make her smile through the tears, which he managed to do. “I can’t imagine dying without even having tried once with you. Can you?” she shook her head and hold his arm as his hand was still on her cheek.

“How many times did you rehearse in front of your mirror?” she joked, wiping her tears.

“I was good uh?” he chuckled. “You’re not hungry?” he asked, pointing at her unfinished plate and she shook her head. “Ready to leave, though?”

“Where are we going?

“My place I guess. Did you forget rule number three?”

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my language, so please excuse my grammar, spell and syntaxes mistakes. I love every comments, good or bad!


End file.
